ICASA Young Writers Series - Winners

My Story

Mental health is receiving much attention nowadays, helping people all over the world speak freely about their internal struggles and receive the help they need. However, stigma sounding the topic still exists, which is counterproductive and means people still shy away from speaking out, much to their detriment. That was my situation for a long time.

Growing up, I have been academically gifted. But while that may seem like something to brag about, it does pose other challenges: the need to always perform, achieve excellent grades and be validated. Through much of my high school experience, I did well to ensure my grades were above par, but this came at a cost: I had to give up my social life and spend less time on non-academic activities. While I had the opportunity to participate in extra-curricular activities, I always felt as though I was ‘borrowing time’ from studying to do other activities. Consequently, I developed anxiety and became severely depressed, to the point of wanting to take my own life just after I turned 18. The pressure to get good grades could not be overstated. I needed to get straight A’s to get into medical school. My mom was hospitalized for almost half of my final high school year and I barely saw her, often wondering if she would make it to the next day. I was miserable. Being the eldest of three girls, I felt it necessary to keep composed, to hold my sisters together. I couldn’t take the pressure of seeming as though all was well and keeping up appearances. I eventually sought professional help.

Visiting a psychologist every Wednesday after school was something I did in secret, as I didn’t want anyone to know I was suffering, or burden anyone for that matter. After a couple of visits, I was informed that being in a fragile or unstable mental state would compromise and perhaps completely jeopardize my chances of making it into medical school. The expectations for health professionals are so high, and a stable mental state is one of them. In fear of being ‘caught’ on the wrong side of things and minimizing my chances of achieving my dreams, I decided to stop seeing my psychologist and went on to deal with the anxiety and depression alone.

Fortunately, I did well and was accepted into medical school. But it’s common knowledge that medical school is not easy. Endless exams, having to deal with failure (something uncommon to me given my track record of excellent academic achievements), and having no time for stress-relieving activities. I am now in third year, and have found a way to balance school and leisure. Intentionally creating time to explore my hobbies has been such a healing process, and I now have a positive outlook on life. I prioritize my mental well-being, and am in a much happier and healthier state. I still work hard, but I also create time to nurture the garden of my mind. I love it here.

---

<< back to ICASA Young Writer's Series